Post 4: Feeling a Little Sad

I did a video about this as I was just coming back from a friend’s kid’s birthday party. It was a pretty chill day. I did not stray far, because I had to go to the party, and it was a lovely day…which meant there would be a ridiculous amount of people out. And I was right.

Last week, I met up with my buddy as she was dropping her kid off with her ex husband. The little girl (8 at the time) was a bit fussy and was trying to get her father to make something that she knew he would not be able to find: Squid Ink Spaghetti. So, for her birthday, I found it….and bought her Squid Ink sauce. LOLOLOL.

Just think of what I can do for you for your baby shower!

Anyway, I was on the train back home and I had an overwhelming feeling of just being sad. Sad that I am going to miss things…like miss going to the art store, but even then, I have not really used the art supplies too much (except for the watercolors). But then I think about the other things I will miss: Having a grocery store near by. Well, I may not have a grocery store all that close, but I can drive to one in the States. Also, I can plan my food better.

I think about the end of an “adventure”. But if I really think about, I mean REALLY think about it, no matter where I go, I can have an adventure. I will make and adventure out of the situation. For instance, I am not writing a book right now, though I want to write a book in the future. Why? Because I know that I want to spend as much time as possible exploring Tokyo. On rainy days, I will organize, edit video, do art, and whatever. On sunny days or even cloudy days, I will explore. I have more than enough time to do that. I am looking at all the prospectives that I can.

Ultimately, I know I am doing the right thing for myself. I know I need a change. I know I will miss things, which is why I am going to take as much opportunity to do what I want to do. Do some things that make me nervous or uncomfortable. I am ok with this. :) I know people mean well, and they are considering their own situation when they feel bad for me losing my job, or really try to help me find a job so I don’t have to worry about not having one. I am extremely thankful for those folks. Though, at this very point in time, it is extremely hard for me to get my head wrapped around going into an office. I am writing this late, and have had chats with a couple friends in the states, that I will write about tomorrow, but I am getting my mind in order. I want to be happy and enjoy what I have now. I don’t know when or if I will be back to Japan to visit or live, but I want to remember what I have now and know that I did every damn thing I wanted to.

Now I need to fuck off to bed.

Good night.